I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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