just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
