All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
