I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
