Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
