don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
