Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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