I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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