I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
