Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my liver is dry heaving
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
