We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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