Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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