My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
