I looked at my own cervix.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
