I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
