In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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