FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
