guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
