I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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