Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
