i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
