I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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