I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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