I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
