I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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