You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
