plz talk dirty to me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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