Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
