Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
