but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
