I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
