i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
