can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
