Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
