Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
