My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this hospital has no fireball
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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