We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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