I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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