You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
