I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
