Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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