This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We talked him into tasing himself.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
