i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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