i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
