he was CRYING into my vagina
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
