I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
