Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
