Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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