Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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