I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
