dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pants are for mortals
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
