I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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